The Wolf Within

There is a wolf inside me
that most people will never meet.

Not because he isn’t there.
Because I have taught him when to rest.

People see the smile.
The kindness.
The patience.

They hear the softness in my voice
and assume it came naturally.

As though gentleness is what I was born with.
As though kindness is my default setting.

It wasn’t.

I was raised in places where survival spoke louder than love.
Where you learned to read a room before you entered it.

Where trust was expensive,
and anger was free.

The wolf inside learned early.

He learned how to bare his teeth.
How to stand his ground.

How to expect the worst
and survive it when it comes.

For years, I thought strength meant feeding him.

Making him bigger.
Stronger.
Meaner.
Hungrier.

But strength is a strange thing.

Because eventually the wolf and I found a pup, and then a second.
Eventually, we even found a partner.

And one day, I looked into the eyes of my daughters
and realized that the wolf and I wanted very different things.

He wanted protection.
I wanted peace.

He wanted to survive.
I wanted to live.

That is when the real work began.

No one talks about the violence it takes
to stop becoming what wounded you.

How many times have I stood at the edge

Of old instincts.
Old reactions.
Old wounds.

And chosen differently.

How many apologies were swallowed?
How many arguments were abandoned?
How many battles were won
simply because I refused to fight them?

People speak about gentleness
as though it is the absence of violence.

They are wrong.

Gentleness is violence restrained.
It is power under discipline.

It is a wolf who knows exactly where your throat is
and chooses instead
to lay his head beside you.

Do not mistake my kindness for weakness.
The wolf still lives within.

I hear him when old wounds are touched.
I feel him pacing when fear comes knocking.
I know exactly what he is capable of.

The difference is that he no longer decides who I become.

I do.

And every day I choose love,
over conditioning.

Peace
over instinct.

Connection
over protection.

Because I was not born knowing how to kiss.
I was born knowing the strength of the bite.

And I have spent a lifetime teaching the wolf within me
How to do the same.